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Steve Rogers looked down at the hidden base from the window of the jet. It didn’t look very big at all. Hopefully, all would go well. If you were even still alive. But there had to be hope, right? A chance?

“All armed agents need to report to the door and prepare for combat immediately.” Natasha’s voice came grimly over the quiet jet intercom. Around him, willing agents unbuckled their belts and went to the door. They were all doing it for SHIELD. But Steve? He was doing it for you... and for Bucky.

They didn’t leave you alone. You weren’t sure that you wanted them to, either. All the nice doctors gave you medicine and finally gave you blankets. They gave you little bowls of what they called ‘oatmeal’ too. But sometimes, you got horrible feelings. Feelings that there was more than black and white, more than being called the ‘hope’. But then the feeling would pass and you would be okay. This was your life.

“Time for your medicine.” Doctor Lounze stepped forward, loading the IV with his special mixture. You knew better than to say anything.

“Doctor, Doctor!” A woman came rushing in, eyes wide. “We’re under attack and shorthanded!”

An expression of bewilderment and anger crossed the nice doctor’s face. “We’re not ready. She’s not ready!”
Wait. Who?

“We have no other choice,” a man interjected. Another doctor. “They’re closing in, our men are falling. We have to use her.”
And all eyes turned to you.

No... no, you didn’t want this. You liked the feeling of safeness. When they stopped hurting you, they made you safe and that’s what you wanted. Please, please, you didn’t want to hurt again. They were going to make you use it. The thing that they put inside you. The hope.

“Let me speak to her alone,” the doctor said. He was no longer smiling; no longer appearing kind. All of a sudden, you hated him. You hated him with everything you had and you didn’t know why. When the other doctors left, you had to resist the urge to use the power on him. Doctor Lounze sighed and opened up a drawer on his desk. What he retrieved was a small glowing capsule that shone bright blue. He held it out to you, but you didn’t take it.

“This,” he said. “Is what you are. It’s everything you’re worth, pulsing in your chest. And I need you to use it today.”

The refusal to do what the Doctor told you made them very angry.
It was so hard to run, but you were trying. Nothing was okay. Nothing was safe. You didn’t want to be the hope if it meant you would have to fight. You didn’t want to fight.
The ground rumbled and shouting and chaos could be heard from the other side of the wall. It was where you had to go to get away. There was a door. An open door...
You stumbled through, squinting. The light was so bright. Brighter than the lights inside. This wasn’t a room... it was outside. There was a fight going on. Soldiers were battling.


Something impacted your chest hard, knocking the air out of your lungs. It hurt! The rage that had become so familiar bubbled up in your chest and the same blue sparks crackled at your fingers. This time, there was no stopping it. It lashed out, taking four or five soldiers. Just like that, it was as if they never even existed.
It frightened you. Something was wrong, so wrong. This didn’t seem right! You stared at your trembling hands, pale and slim. These hands weren’t supposed to kill.

Another agonizing impact knocked you off your feet. This time, you wouldn’t think. This time, you were going to fight. As your fingers closed around a discarded gun, you prepared to be brave.


Steve Rogers wove through the oncoming flurry of HYDRA soldiers, cutting through them like butter with his shield. The base wasn’t well protected. There had to be more, right? This slew of fighters wouldn’t match up to the SHIELD agents who’d come. At this rate, it would be nothing to push his way inside and find you.

”Thought you’d have a party without me, Capsicle?” The voice over Steve’s radio was oddly gratifying. It made the mission seemingly easier to complete. The suit of red and gold plummeted down from the sky, causing a few small explosions on its way down. Just like Stark to have a fashionably late entrance. Steve continued to scan the battlefield around him, looking for a way through.

That’s when he finally saw you.

It was nothing like he’d pictured you being. In the midst of the warfare, you stood cutting HYDRA men down. They’d put you in bland white hospital pajamas. But that wasn’t the most disturbing thing at all. What truly made the Captain stop was the look on your face. One of mixed horror, bewilderment, and... anger. It was an expression of a trapped animal, an expression Steve knew well. Because he’d seen it on Bucky’s face in his nightmares.

And all of a sudden, he found himself desperately praying that they hadn’t hurt you too. Bucky was a soldier of war. He’d survived torture and countless missions. How many bullets had he taken before falling off that train? But you... you were just a scientist confined safely to your lab. You were so fragile... But something was wrong. Doctor Lounze had plunged a needle into the base of your skull. This wasn’t a hostage situation.
Someone was a traitor.

”(Name)!” Steve fought his way through the horde, fighting to get to you. He wasn’t going to lose you too. Your head snapped up, but it was as if you didn’t recognize your own name.
You were looking at him like a target.


Through all the confusion and the gunfire, something shook inside of you. There were people here, people you'd seen before- outside the walls of this sterile prison. The woman with the red hair, she was one of your best friends. The man with the star on his shield was someone you could never forget. All you knew was that you had to-

Your thought was cut off as something plummeted into the back of your neck. For the first time in a while, the absolute agony of pain gripped you. It wiped the thoughts from your head, wiped every feeling from your heart.
And suddenly, there was nothing but you and the orders given.

The people in the pictures... you had to hurt them. You had to kill them. The man with the colors and the shield was coming at you. This was going to hurt. You knew it even if you didn’t understand.

“Attack.” The doctor’s orders were sharp and controlling. It sent a jolt through your body that was uncontrollable. The blue sparks were called to your fingertips and shot out, blindly eliminating a few soldiers around you. A sort of shock settled into you when you realized that the sparks had obliterated them entirely; as if they were never there to begin with.
You were meant to do this to your target. However, your body refused to cooperate. His shield... it reminded you of something. Something that wouldn’t let you obliterate him.

“ATTACK!” The doctor shoved you forward, leaving you no choice. The doctor knew best.
With an agonizing amount of effort, you struck at the person from the picture. The shot ricocheted off his star-spangled shield.

Again.” The word cut into you, sharp and menacing. It smeared some of the wrongness into a shade of gray. Hearing those penetrating words at the base of your skull only made you fling another spark of blue at the man. He was calling for something- calling for you?

“Engage in battle! Now!” This time, the command made all the gray fade to black. The doctor knew best. If you knew any better, there would be a bullet in your head- and so much pain. With a skill you didn’t know you had, your hand gripped a discarded tanto-point combat knife and charged at him.

This was your target.

There was no choice.

Winter Soldier x Reader (29)
Soooooooo I updated! 
*distant triumphant cheering* 
Even if this is a short chapter, it's something! And I have more coming- sorry to end on such a cliffhanger. I'm totally updating this again soon. I love you guys! Oh yeah, and thank you for all the birthday wishes. (I don't know if I've already said this but yeah thanks ily.)   
La la la la 
So this is a very informal apology for my late hiatus. Education is a great time-taker-upper. So here is a list that is >very subject to change< because I follow my heart in my writings and goddamit my heart is all over the place. I'm pleased to inform you all that Sebastian Stan still has it captured, so the Winter Soldier fics are very likely to be updated soon. And lately, I've dipped back into Once Upon A Time as well. Thank you all sooo much for your patience! 
I'll keep you posted! <3

1. Lasting Impressions - Bucky fic
2. Winter Soldier fic 
3. (New!) OUAT Jefferson fic 
4. Father! Loki fic 
5. Killian Jones fic

And maybe even some of this OUAT badass: 

alternative text 

SO? :D Whaddya guys think?
God, I hate to keep updating tagged things without updating actual stories. I'm getting on it, I promise! <3

Tagged by: :iconartisticallystupid: 

You can tell a lot about someone by the music they listen to.
Hit shuffle on your iPod/iTunes/media player and then write the first ten songs. 
Next pass it on to ten people!

1. Kick Ass (We Are Young) by MIKA vs. RedOne
2. Narcissistic Cannibal - Korn (I'm sorry but this song agonizingly reminds me of Bucky) 
3. Irresistible - Temposhark
4. Bound and Gagged - Creature Feature 
5. Don't Be Gone Too Long - Chris Brown ft. Ariana Grande (I just love this, okay?) 
6. Bruises and Bitemarks - Good With Grenages (Sexay) 
7. Popular Song - Ariana Grande and MIKA
8. Aim For The Head - Creature Feature 
9. Far From Home - FFDP (Another Bucky song what makes me cry) 
10. Boum Boum Boum - MIKA (French and perfectly delicious) 

Soooo I tag: 
:iconsk8terchic21: :iconarbitran: :iconbuckyshat: :iconcaptainkirkings: :iconagentrubyred:
Here I am again! It's been a while. I know I'm out of excuses, but seriously. When school started, I got SWAMPED. So anyway, I'm getting back started. I'd say the first one to expect is an update of the Winter Soldier one, then of Lasting Impressions, Daddy!Loki, and then probably Killian Jones. 
So be looking forward to it!

Anyway! I got tagged by :iconheichouable: and :iconartisticallystupid: 

1. What's your name?

   You shall know me as Emi. That is all.

2. Do you know why you were named that?

   Maybe I do, but maybe that’s a secret.

3. Are you single or taken?

   Deliciously single.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

  The magic ability of making my friends fangirl, if that counts.

5. Stop being a Mary-sue!

  Wait what does this mean.

6. What's your eye color?


7. How about hair color?


8. Have you any family members?

   Oh god. I have a mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, and a foster brother.

9. Oh? How about pets?

 Two kitties. >u< Named Loki and Squeak

10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.

 Asshole dudes that only like girls for their bodies.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

   I am a theatre addict- usually this is why I go on hiatus. Theatre season is BUSY.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

   Yes. Sometimes, I do it intentionally. But I am very aware, I don’t usually hurt people unintentionally.

13. Ever... killed anyone before?

 Not officially yet. But I’ve planned it intricately in my head.

14. What kind of animal are you?


15. Name your worst habits?

 Staying up late on school nights

16.  Do you look up to anyone at all?

 Yes, one of the directors of a production I was in. She is an amazing woman.

17. Are you Gay, Straight, or Bisexual?

 Most definitely straight- but thank god not a homophobe.

18. Do you go to school?


19. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?

 Yes. I don’t know about having kids, but hell yeah I want to marry. Then the unlucky fellow is stuck with me.

20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?

 Actually, I’m not sure.

21. What are you most afraid of?

 Rejection. O.O *duhn duhn DUHN*

22. What do you usually wear?

 Usually just jeans, a cute shirt, and a sweatshirt. Usually one of the oversized kinds.

23. What's one food that tempts you?


24. Am I annoying you?

 Idek man.

25. Well, it's still not over!

 Oh. Okay then.

26. What class are you? Low class, middle class, high class?

 Middle class? I think?

27.  How many friends do you have?

 Uhhhhhh. Like 15?

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

 Sharis pie is the best in the world.

30. Favorite drink?

 Coffee. Specifically, a Caramelizer from Dutch Bros.

31. What's your favorite place?

 With my best friend. He’s an amazing dude, and anyplace is my favorite with him.

32. Are you interested in anyone~?

 Yeap, but I’m not ready for a relationship. (I have too many going with the sexy men of fiction)

33. How tall are you?

 5”11. Like I am freaking tall for my age.

34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

 OCEAN! ANY DAY! Huntington Beach in California is my favorite beach.

35. What's your type?

 Taller than I am. And outgoing. Someone who’s outwardly passionate about themselves and what they do.

36. Any fetishes?

 Strength. (As :iconartisticallystupid: said- deep, husky voices. Damn)

37. Seme or uke?

 Wait, me? Or my fictional dudes. You’re confusing me.

38. Camping or indoors?


39. Are you still wanting the quiz to end?


40. Well, it's over! Now tag five people to do this.

There are very few moments when one can reflect and realize their mistakes.
The following morning was one of them. Of course you woke up alone in your bed wearing nothing and tangled in sheets. The night had been one of discovery and absolute passion. Even though you knew that nothing had ever been so wonderful, it still had to be a mistake. You’d learned not to love in a hard way. Shouldn’t it to be easy not to love a man who only liked you because you resembled his dead ex-girlfriend?
Who were you kidding? You didn’t love him. You’d just slept with him, that was all. But it felt like so much more.

Rolling out of bed was a feat; but you managed. After slipping on a light silky robe, you went out to make sure your renegade hadn’t wandered off. And who would have guessed that he was sitting at your kitchen table eating the deserted pie from last night?
The smirk he gave you when you walked in made your stomach turn.

”Hey,” he said, assimilating your figure. It almost seemed like he was admiring you; but that couldn’t be right.

”Start getting ready soon, I have to have you back in your tower for your time with Steve. I’m getting this morning off whether they like it or not.” You didn’t wait for a reaction before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. There were days when a hot shower was needed... especially with a night like yours.


”You’re joking.” Natalia grinned, an unnatural sight, and nudged you. “You slept with him?!”

”C’mon, you know me. It was a mistake, it won’t happen again. It was just some kiss that turned into something more.”

”No, that’s actually kind of a big deal. I have never seen Barnes act any way around any female like he does around you. I approve of it. So you’ve got to tell me the dirty details.” She winked at you, just in time for you to send a dull glare in her direction.

”You’re not helping, Nat.” You let out a hearty sigh and took a large drink of your coffee today. It was cheap cafeteria coffee, so it was black... like your soul.
Haha. That was a joke.

”Hey, I’m sorry...” The smirk on her lips said otherwise.

”I guess it’s just weird on my end. I have stayed away from everything relationship-wise for a long time. Bucky needs to trust me in that way like he does Steve. He sees Steve as his long-time best friend, and me...”

”The secret love of his life. Yeah. I see your problem. But I still think you should give him a chance.... Or at least get over that asshole ex and start getting out on the market. I’ve seen the way agents around here look at you.” Natalia shrugged. “Maybe you should consider going on a few dates.”

”Yeah you should.” Clint swung around the corner and hooked his arm around Natalia’s waist. Cute. You shipped it. “What are we talking about?”
You chuckled and shook your head. Classic bird brain.

”We were talking about how I am heading home for a day off. Well, at least until I pick up my charge from Steve at seven tonight.” It was time to go. A roundabout conversation with Clint and Natalia wasn’t something you needed right now. “See you guys later,” you said before scooting off.

Okay, maybe Nat was right. What happened all those years ago was over, maybe it was time to start trusting people again, but how? It wasn’t like you could just jump into another asshole’s arms and expect to get a nice ending.

It was time to head home. Since you were heedlessly put on Bucky’s case, you needed to study up on who you were supposed to be for him. It was important to find things that would help him remember. Very few things were known about grandma Ruthie. She was an avid dancer, she grew up in Brooklyn... you were going to need more.

“We figured we’d see you around here.” Steve came strolling up with Bucky right behind him. He was grinning from ear to ear while his companion just smirked deviously at you. It was plain to everyone around how happy Bucky was making him. It made you happy to see him so happy.

“Steve! Perfect timing, just as usual.” Oops. You hoped he didn’t catch the sarcasm in your voice. “What are you boys up to?”

“Going down for some coffee. Care to join us?” Steve grinned and nodded his head over to the little parlor which had a splendorous selection of coffee. Hm. He knew your weakness.

“I would love to.” You smiled a little and walked alongside him, doing your best to ignore the looks Bucky was giving you. He was following close to behind, sticking closer to you than Steve. It made it even more worse when you saw the sparkle in his eye, just like there was last night.

“All jacked up with sugar and cream, right?” Steve smiled a little, stopping at the table and picking up a cup.

“You know me so well...” You smirked and picked up a cup for yourself, filling it with piping hot coffee. It was any agents solution for those late nights and early mornings. Booze was the solution for after-mission work days. Usually, you got pretty beat up after missions. Even though you weren’t payed for your fighting abilities, you sure as hell used them.

“One of these days, I should get you totally jacked on coffee to see if your fighting performance gets any better. How about it, old man?” You grinned, slapping his arm.

“Ohoh, is that a challenge?” Steve hit you right back, obviously being gentle on you. It was an unconscious thing that the people around you did. Because you were so tiny and harmless-looking, people had a natural tendency to treat you delicately. It was an advantage to your undercover look. It’s why you were one of the best with SHIELD. You could give yourself an entirely helpless look.

See, but some people just never fell for it. Your ex-boyfriend Matt for example. Even before you had the means to defend yourself, he had no problem with beating the shit out of you.

“Yeah, she can win a fight with me. Granted it takes her a while, but I can.” Steve’s words brought you back to attention. He was talking to a very mischievous-seeming Bucky. Said person glanced down at you in humorous disbelief.

“You’re kidding. This little thing?” He placed the palm of his metal hand flat on your head, accentuating the height difference. Ha. The bastard didn’t have a problem with you being little last night.

“Believe it or not, I could probably get you down with a little practice. Why don’t we go up to the training room and sort this out?” You smirked at the two boys, sipping idly on your sugar-rush coffee. With this stuff, you could probably take one of them on. Bucky’s arm would be a total disadvantage.
But hey... you were a big girl.

“Yeah, sure. We’ll see where that big talk will get you,” Bucky snickered.

It was so on.


Oooh, this was going to be freakin amazing.
You’d watched Bucky and Steve battle it out- luckily, with no injuries. Bucky’s fighting style was elaborate to an onlooker, but it would be nothing to dodge out of his attacks.
So, jacked up on a lot of caffeine and sugar, you stood a few feet away from him. His indignant smirk was more than you could bear.

“The fight’s done when one of us surrenders,” he remarked.

“Like I would ever surrender to you,” you shot back. Steve, whom was standing by the door, whistled a little. The intimate gleam in Bucky’s said the words he wouldn’t dare say out loud.
You did a great job of surrendering last night.

“Alright... ready? Go at it, you two.”

By indication of Steve’s words, you immediately lunged out of the way. Bucky was a direct attacker. Always stuck with offense before defense. And you were right- he lunged for where you were just standing. A disguised advantage of yours was your little form. You could fling yourself all over this room, while big guys like Steve and Bucky were left to the ground.

Dodging went on for a few more minutes. Sometimes, you would get bored and kick him in the back or something. Little attacks, not meant to do harm. Finally, you decided to make your move. When he went in to hit you, you kicked his arm aside and whipped your leg around his neck to pull him down to the ground. You were very flexible.
It worked. Bucky fell right on his back, and you on top of him. Without missing a beat, you pinned his arms with your legs and put your hands on his shoulders.

Being like this suddenly made you very aware that he was under you. He was breathing heavily, just like you were. His skin was coated in sweat. God, he smelled amazing. Even all sweaty and stuff, his dominant scent was a cool crisp manly smell.

“Surrender?!” You demanded. Something flared up in his beautiful blue eyes when you spoke to him to tauntingly. And needless to say, it wasn’t anger. It was something much more promiscuous.

“Maybe if you say please~”

“Like hell!” You pushed your knee into his forearm. He took a brief moment to chuckle before whipping around and using his metal arm against you, forcing you beneath him. His human hand firmly grasped your throat. The rest of you was pinned somehow by his body.
No fair! He used his arm as a weapon, and that was cheating!

It soon became stunningly obvious that your bodies were pressed together. His lips just seconds away. Just like that night. Something about him was so alluring, so heady. It was so hard not to just kiss his lips until he would give you that sweet reserved smile. You liked fighting. If you were going to professionalize your relationship with him, he wouldn’t be able to touch you. But here, fighting, you could touch each other as much as you want.

Wait. You could use this as a distraction.

You leaned in closer, lips barely touching his. It took every single ounce of your self control not to actually kiss him. The grip on your throat loosened, and you made your move. With one swift kick and a forceful push, he was back below you.
He looked tamer now, satisfied to be under your rule.

“Fine... I surrender.” His lips curved into that devious smile, bringing tingles up your back. Perfect.

“I see you used your old trick,” Steve remarked, bringing you a towel. Psssh, old trick.

“It’s how I get what I want.” You shrugged, popping your neck and accepting the towel. Even if you knew that Bucky let you win, it was still a triumph you would remember.

Maybe... maybe you could trust him a little.

Bucky x Reader - Lasting Impressions {6}
I thought I should add some fun to this one because of the tension in my other Bucky fic ;) Hope you guys like it. This might become longer than I intended. 


United States
Uhm. I wish I could make this simple, but it would seem that my obsessions are all over the place. Goes from anime to Avengers, to Homestuck and Hannibal. Yeap. Let's wait and see what my next obsession is.

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artisticallystupid Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday!! :D
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
Oh my god I got this so late THANK YOU! <3
Jimplayer Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Student Artist
happy birthday
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
Thank youuuuuuuuuu! Heart 
scrougeofares Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
Happy birthday!
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
I am a dummy!  Omg thank you! I almost forgot about it myself 
undertaker-lover01 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Hobbyist
I love your work it keeps me on edge and its like I'm watching another move
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
That is SUCH an amazing compliment <3 Thank you
MidnightRainbowFire Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Please keep writing your Winter Soldier x Reader!!! Its so amazing gahhhhhhhh!
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
I will! I'm in the middle of it right now, I promise! :D
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