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It was too much to handle.
It felt like being a passenger in your own body. As you advanced on your target, your body moved on its own instinct. Lucky for him, the target ducked as you swung the combat knife at his head, following with a series of attacks blocked by his shield. This man was your enemy. The doctor told you so, and you would obliterate him for it. The voice biting through your head wouldn’t stop.
Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack.
There was no choice. You did as the voice told you, hitting him and working to get the knife in a place where it’d kill him. It happened that way, attack after attack after attack. How strange it seemed, that this was hurting you more than it seemed to be hurting your opponent; though he did look quite pained.

“(F/n)!” The target cried. His voice was desperate. You wondered who he was calling for. Though the thought didn’t last long, because a jolt of pain penetrated your arm as he broke it with that shield. Just like always, the appendage began to glow blue and slowly mended itself. A power from the hope, the doctor said. With a final grunt, you heaved your blade into his shoulder, twisting it until he shouted in pain.
The force of your hit knocked him into the ground. A miniscule stream of blood trailed out of his shoulder and onto that shield he wielded so pridefully.

“(F/n), please listen to me. You’re not like this,” the target was saying. “Don’t let them do this to you!”

You weren’t listening, instead dutifully preparing to end this man’s life. Just like Doctor Lounze told you to. There was no choice. You had no choice, no matter how much your gut told you this was wrong. This was your task. As you raised the knife, you were suddenly pulled off of your target as if you were nothing more than a paperweight. The knife was knocked out of your hand, and you realized you had to kill this one too.

However, for some reason, your body wasn’t cooperating. You had to move, you had to fight. Something in you knew that if you failed, the doctors would never let you be safe again.
The enemy suddenly whirled you around, hastily seizing you by your shoulders. The blue sparks ignited at your fingers, but immediately ceased as you were trapped in a pair of familiar, horror-stricken eyes.

Things began to connect then, things you didn’t even know had un-connected.
Oh my god.
What had you done?!
Everything came back, all the horror with it. Everything. From the moment they dragged you away, to the moment your own father made you a monster, to the moment you stabbed Steve in the shoulder. Every bit of pain, every scream, every scar. They made you believe that you would never see Bucky again... and it was all because of you...

No. It wasn’t your fault. It was his. The man who called himself your father.
The HYDRA soldiers were gathering together now. They were trying to kill Steve, and Natasha, and Tony. They were trying to kill your family.

What you released just then wasn’t in your control. It was all the rage, all the pain and loss knowing that they’d lied; Bucky had come for you like the hero he denied being. In a flash of blue, half the base was crumbling, as well as whatever weak soldiers they had left.

“(F/n).” Desperate, loving hands gripped your shoulders as you were turned to gaze into a pair of forlorn blue eyes. “Look at me. It’s okay. We’re taking you home.”

Yet in those few moments where everything seemed to be okay again, a horrible pain seared into your chest. Your heart fluttered wildly against your ribcage, driving you into a spinning world of gray.


Bucky:
She was alive; dear god, she was alive.
That was enough. After weeks and weeks of torment, not knowing if he had been blade on her guillotine, this was enough. For days, he’d been sizing up the base to see if there was any way to penetrate the walls, but no solutions came- until the organization whom he once tried to destroy came to help. She almost hadn’t remembered. And if she hadn’t, each person who dared touch her in his absence would suffer a fate worse than death at the hands of the Winter Soldier himself.

Bucky wasted no time in tucking her safely into his arms. She were injured; that much was clear. Right after that deadly blue release had come from her body, she’d fainted.
The injuries could be dealt with later. The only thing that mattered was getting her home safe. For now, she was- all thanks to Steve.  

For a split second, the two shared a look. A look of silent apology and reconciliation that could be settled later. Today would be the day that they fought on the same team; just like in the good old days. All because of the gentle-hearted scientist, their fates had become entwined once again, and that’s why Steve owed her everything. She was the one who brought his best friend back.

And now... the HYDRA bastards would pay their due.

Winter Soldier x Reader (30)
I apologize in advance if this is poorly written, but I have a terrible headache. I just had a sudden surge of inspiration today. Even changed it from my original planned storyline ;) Hope you enjoy.
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Steve Rogers looked down at the hidden base from the window of the jet. It didn’t look very big at all. Hopefully, all would go well. If you were even still alive. But there had to be hope, right? A chance?

“All armed agents need to report to the door and prepare for combat immediately.” Natasha’s voice came grimly over the quiet jet intercom. Around him, willing agents unbuckled their belts and went to the door. They were all doing it for SHIELD. But Steve? He was doing it for you... and for Bucky.
 
~~~

They didn’t leave you alone. You weren’t sure that you wanted them to, either. All the nice doctors gave you medicine and finally gave you blankets. They gave you little bowls of what they called ‘oatmeal’ too. But sometimes, you got horrible feelings. Feelings that there was more than black and white, more than being called the ‘hope’. But then the feeling would pass and you would be okay. This was your life.

“Time for your medicine.” Doctor Lounze stepped forward, loading the IV with his special mixture. You knew better than to say anything.

“Doctor, Doctor!” A woman came rushing in, eyes wide. “We’re under attack and shorthanded!”

An expression of bewilderment and anger crossed the nice doctor’s face. “We’re not ready. She’s not ready!”
Wait. Who?

“We have no other choice,” a man interjected. Another doctor. “They’re closing in, our men are falling. We have to use her.”
And all eyes turned to you.

No... no, you didn’t want this. You liked the feeling of safeness. When they stopped hurting you, they made you safe and that’s what you wanted. Please, please, you didn’t want to hurt again. They were going to make you use it. The thing that they put inside you. The hope.

“Let me speak to her alone,” the doctor said. He was no longer smiling; no longer appearing kind. All of a sudden, you hated him. You hated him with everything you had and you didn’t know why. When the other doctors left, you had to resist the urge to use the power on him. Doctor Lounze sighed and opened up a drawer on his desk. What he retrieved was a small glowing capsule that shone bright blue. He held it out to you, but you didn’t take it.

“This,” he said. “Is what you are. It’s everything you’re worth, pulsing in your chest. And I need you to use it today.”


The refusal to do what the Doctor told you made them very angry.
It was so hard to run, but you were trying. Nothing was okay. Nothing was safe. You didn’t want to be the hope if it meant you would have to fight. You didn’t want to fight.
The ground rumbled and shouting and chaos could be heard from the other side of the wall. It was where you had to go to get away. There was a door. An open door...
You stumbled through, squinting. The light was so bright. Brighter than the lights inside. This wasn’t a room... it was outside. There was a fight going on. Soldiers were battling.

”STOP HER! SHE’S ESCAPED!”

Something impacted your chest hard, knocking the air out of your lungs. It hurt! The rage that had become so familiar bubbled up in your chest and the same blue sparks crackled at your fingers. This time, there was no stopping it. It lashed out, taking four or five soldiers. Just like that, it was as if they never even existed.
It frightened you. Something was wrong, so wrong. This didn’t seem right! You stared at your trembling hands, pale and slim. These hands weren’t supposed to kill.

Another agonizing impact knocked you off your feet. This time, you wouldn’t think. This time, you were going to fight. As your fingers closed around a discarded gun, you prepared to be brave.

~~~

Steve Rogers wove through the oncoming flurry of HYDRA soldiers, cutting through them like butter with his shield. The base wasn’t well protected. There had to be more, right? This slew of fighters wouldn’t match up to the SHIELD agents who’d come. At this rate, it would be nothing to push his way inside and find you.

”Thought you’d have a party without me, Capsicle?” The voice over Steve’s radio was oddly gratifying. It made the mission seemingly easier to complete. The suit of red and gold plummeted down from the sky, causing a few small explosions on its way down. Just like Stark to have a fashionably late entrance. Steve continued to scan the battlefield around him, looking for a way through.

That’s when he finally saw you.

It was nothing like he’d pictured you being. In the midst of the warfare, you stood cutting HYDRA men down. They’d put you in bland white hospital pajamas. But that wasn’t the most disturbing thing at all. What truly made the Captain stop was the look on your face. One of mixed horror, bewilderment, and... anger. It was an expression of a trapped animal, an expression Steve knew well. Because he’d seen it on Bucky’s face in his nightmares.

And all of a sudden, he found himself desperately praying that they hadn’t hurt you too. Bucky was a soldier of war. He’d survived torture and countless missions. How many bullets had he taken before falling off that train? But you... you were just a scientist confined safely to your lab. You were so fragile... But something was wrong. Doctor Lounze had plunged a needle into the base of your skull. This wasn’t a hostage situation.
Someone was a traitor.

”(Name)!” Steve fought his way through the horde, fighting to get to you. He wasn’t going to lose you too. Your head snapped up, but it was as if you didn’t recognize your own name.
You were looking at him like a target.

~~~

Through all the confusion and the gunfire, something shook inside of you. There were people here, people you'd seen before- outside the walls of this sterile prison. The woman with the red hair, she was one of your best friends. The man with the star on his shield was someone you could never forget. All you knew was that you had to-

Your thought was cut off as something plummeted into the back of your neck. For the first time in a while, the absolute agony of pain gripped you. It wiped the thoughts from your head, wiped every feeling from your heart.
And suddenly, there was nothing but you and the orders given.

The people in the pictures... you had to hurt them. You had to kill them. The man with the colors and the shield was coming at you. This was going to hurt. You knew it even if you didn’t understand.

“Attack.” The doctor’s orders were sharp and controlling. It sent a jolt through your body that was uncontrollable. The blue sparks were called to your fingertips and shot out, blindly eliminating a few soldiers around you. A sort of shock settled into you when you realized that the sparks had obliterated them entirely; as if they were never there to begin with.
You were meant to do this to your target. However, your body refused to cooperate. His shield... it reminded you of something. Something that wouldn’t let you obliterate him.

“ATTACK!” The doctor shoved you forward, leaving you no choice. The doctor knew best.
With an agonizing amount of effort, you struck at the person from the picture. The shot ricocheted off his star-spangled shield.

Again.” The word cut into you, sharp and menacing. It smeared some of the wrongness into a shade of gray. Hearing those penetrating words at the base of your skull only made you fling another spark of blue at the man. He was calling for something- calling for you?

“Engage in battle! Now!” This time, the command made all the gray fade to black. The doctor knew best. If you knew any better, there would be a bullet in your head- and so much pain. With a skill you didn’t know you had, your hand gripped a discarded tanto-point combat knife and charged at him.

This was your target.

There was no choice.

Winter Soldier x Reader (29)
Soooooooo I updated! 
*distant triumphant cheering* 
Even if this is a short chapter, it's something! And I have more coming- sorry to end on such a cliffhanger. I'm totally updating this again soon. I love you guys! Oh yeah, and thank you for all the birthday wishes. (I don't know if I've already said this but yeah thanks ily.)   
La la la la 
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So this is a very informal apology for my late hiatus. Education is a great time-taker-upper. So here is a list that is >very subject to change< because I follow my heart in my writings and goddamit my heart is all over the place. I'm pleased to inform you all that Sebastian Stan still has it captured, so the Winter Soldier fics are very likely to be updated soon. And lately, I've dipped back into Once Upon A Time as well. Thank you all sooo much for your patience! 
I'll keep you posted! <3

1. Lasting Impressions - Bucky fic
2. Winter Soldier fic 
3. (New!) OUAT Jefferson fic 
4. Father! Loki fic 
5. Killian Jones fic

And maybe even some of this OUAT badass: 

alternative text 

SO? :D Whaddya guys think?
God, I hate to keep updating tagged things without updating actual stories. I'm getting on it, I promise! <3

Tagged by: :iconartisticallystupid: 

You can tell a lot about someone by the music they listen to.
Hit shuffle on your iPod/iTunes/media player and then write the first ten songs. 
Next pass it on to ten people!

1. Kick Ass (We Are Young) by MIKA vs. RedOne
2. Narcissistic Cannibal - Korn (I'm sorry but this song agonizingly reminds me of Bucky) 
3. Irresistible - Temposhark
4. Bound and Gagged - Creature Feature 
5. Don't Be Gone Too Long - Chris Brown ft. Ariana Grande (I just love this, okay?) 
6. Bruises and Bitemarks - Good With Grenages (Sexay) 
7. Popular Song - Ariana Grande and MIKA
8. Aim For The Head - Creature Feature 
9. Far From Home - FFDP (Another Bucky song what makes me cry) 
10. Boum Boum Boum - MIKA (French and perfectly delicious) 


Soooo I tag: 
:iconsk8terchic21: :iconarbitran: :iconbuckyshat: :iconcaptainkirkings: :iconagentrubyred:
Here I am again! It's been a while. I know I'm out of excuses, but seriously. When school started, I got SWAMPED. So anyway, I'm getting back started. I'd say the first one to expect is an update of the Winter Soldier one, then of Lasting Impressions, Daddy!Loki, and then probably Killian Jones. 
So be looking forward to it!

Anyway! I got tagged by :iconheichouable: and :iconartisticallystupid: 


1. What's your name?

   You shall know me as Emi. That is all.


2. Do you know why you were named that?

   Maybe I do, but maybe that’s a secret.


3. Are you single or taken?

   Deliciously single.


4. Have any abilities or powers?

  The magic ability of making my friends fangirl, if that counts.


5. Stop being a Mary-sue!

  Wait what does this mean.


6. What's your eye color?

   Blue.


7. How about hair color?

 Blondish-brown.


8. Have you any family members?

   Oh god. I have a mom, dad, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, and a foster brother.


9. Oh? How about pets?

 Two kitties. >u< Named Loki and Squeak


10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.

 Asshole dudes that only like girls for their bodies.


11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

   I am a theatre addict- usually this is why I go on hiatus. Theatre season is BUSY.


12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

   Yes. Sometimes, I do it intentionally. But I am very aware, I don’t usually hurt people unintentionally.


13. Ever... killed anyone before?

 Not officially yet. But I’ve planned it intricately in my head.


14. What kind of animal are you?

 I AM A KEVIN.


15. Name your worst habits?

 Staying up late on school nights


16.  Do you look up to anyone at all?

 Yes, one of the directors of a production I was in. She is an amazing woman.


17. Are you Gay, Straight, or Bisexual?

 Most definitely straight- but thank god not a homophobe.


18. Do you go to school?

 Unfortunately.


19. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?

 Yes. I don’t know about having kids, but hell yeah I want to marry. Then the unlucky fellow is stuck with me.


20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?

 Actually, I’m not sure.


21. What are you most afraid of?

 Rejection. O.O *duhn duhn DUHN*


22. What do you usually wear?

 Usually just jeans, a cute shirt, and a sweatshirt. Usually one of the oversized kinds.


23. What's one food that tempts you?

 TAKIS.


24. Am I annoying you?

 Idek man.


25. Well, it's still not over!

 Oh. Okay then.


26. What class are you? Low class, middle class, high class?

 Middle class? I think?


27.  How many friends do you have?

 Uhhhhhh. Like 15?


28. What are your thoughts on pie?

 Sharis pie is the best in the world.


30. Favorite drink?

 Coffee. Specifically, a Caramelizer from Dutch Bros.


31. What's your favorite place?

 With my best friend. He’s an amazing dude, and anyplace is my favorite with him.


32. Are you interested in anyone~?

 Yeap, but I’m not ready for a relationship. (I have too many going with the sexy men of fiction)


33. How tall are you?

 5”11. Like I am freaking tall for my age.


34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

 OCEAN! ANY DAY! Huntington Beach in California is my favorite beach.


35. What's your type?

 Taller than I am. And outgoing. Someone who’s outwardly passionate about themselves and what they do.


36. Any fetishes?

 Strength. (As :iconartisticallystupid: said- deep, husky voices. Damn)


37. Seme or uke?

 Wait, me? Or my fictional dudes. You’re confusing me.


38. Camping or indoors?

 Indoors.


39. Are you still wanting the quiz to end?

Meh.


40. Well, it's over! Now tag five people to do this.

:iconarbitran: 
:iconheyhilaterbye:
:iconcaptainkirkings:
:iconsk8terchic21:
:iconbuckyshat:

deviantID

kawaiinothing
Emi
United States
Uhm. I wish I could make this simple, but it would seem that my obsessions are all over the place. Goes from anime to Avengers, to Homestuck and Hannibal. Yeap. Let's wait and see what my next obsession is.

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:iconartisticallystupid:
artisticallystupid Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy Birthday!! :D
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:iconkawaiinothing:
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
Oh my god I got this so late THANK YOU! <3
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:iconjimplayer:
Jimplayer Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Student Artist
happy birthday
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:iconkawaiinothing:
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
Thank youuuuuuuuuu! Heart 
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:iconscrougeofares:
scrougeofares Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
Happy birthday!
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:iconkawaiinothing:
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
I am a dummy!  Omg thank you! I almost forgot about it myself 
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:iconundertaker-lover01:
undertaker-lover01 Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Hobbyist
I love your work it keeps me on edge and its like I'm watching another move
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:iconkawaiinothing:
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
That is SUCH an amazing compliment <3 Thank you
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:iconmidnightrainbowfire:
MidnightRainbowFire Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Please keep writing your Winter Soldier x Reader!!! Its so amazing gahhhhhhhh!
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:iconkawaiinothing:
kawaiinothing Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2014
I will! I'm in the middle of it right now, I promise! :D
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